stressfreemum

It's a boy!

Welcome to little Baby Dylan! Born at 8lb 13 oz (4 kilos), he has a full head of chestnut hair and the tan of a Portuguese football player. Given that Dylan spent his last four months in the womb trying to kick his way out, it's not such a surprise that he's destined for the Premier League. 

I have to say an elective caesarian was for me a very stress free way of giving birth. Now, I feel a bit of a heel saying this because natural is best. Well it stands to reason, doesn't it? But given that I've just had a baby and am feeling a bit weak, argue this one amongst yourselves for the time being.

The one thing I will say though is that if you are having a baby soon, fight for immediate skin to skin contact. I never had this with baby no 1, Daisy, so was determined that baby no 2 would get this. And I have to say this was the most amazing moment of my life so far.

When Dylan was born, I heard him cry out (thank god, I heard myself say). Then the surgeon held him up in front of me and my husband so we both saw him at the same time. He was an odd assortment of limbs, cords, purples and reds. It was difficult from my angle to make out the gender, so my husband announced that we had a little boy.

Then immediately Dylan was placed on my chest, nose to nose, and we just stared at each other for the longest time. He was so beautiful, so vulnerable, so quiet as he heard my voice in the real world and just seemed to recognise who I was and snuggled up to me for warmth. 

My one-minute-old boy was so fresh from the womb that he was still covered in vernix - the white cheesy substance that protects babies against dryness and bacterial infections. Like baby anti-bacterial moisturiser. How incredible. I've never seen a baby quite so newborn before. Daisy was presented to me cleaned, dried and with a pristine white sleep suit on (at least I'm assuming she didn't emerge that way naturally). I wanted to hold my little girl before she was 'processed' and I always felt cheated that I never got the opportunity. So this time we made sure the team knew what we wanted, and it led to a truly special moment.

I held him close for 40 minutes or so while they finished up after the op. And I'll never forget it.

Getting back to the recovery suite, I tried breastfeeing him for the first time, and he just knew exactly what to do. I couldn't stop crying from happiness. The vernix was already sinking in naturally, revealing more and more of my new little man.

Meanwhile the woman next to me in the recovery suite was clearly a little freaked by the whole thing. "Take my baby away and wipe that gunk off" she said "I can't take pictures of her like that!"

So now it's me a Dylan learning how its done. I'm trying to work out his cries. And just where I'm, supposed to put the baby cream on his interesting collection of private parts. He lies there staring at my bosoms and licking his lips. Men, ay?!

Will post more later, but consider me on maternity leave - for a few days at least!

How to stop those 'has the baby arrived yet?' calls

It's 10pm on Sunday night. And in just 12 hours I should be holding my baby after my planned caesarian.

So tonight I am packing my bag, trying not to think of all the things I meant to do but haven't had time for yet, and aiming for an early night.

Daisy was two weeks late and we had two things stressing us in those last few days. First the medical professionals wanted us to have an induction. We sort of expected that one. (And for the record, you're quite entitled to go over 40 weeks and leave it to nature, as long as you agree to be monitored at your hospital's for safety's sake.)

But the thing that we didn't anticipate was dealing with 3, 4, 5 people a day ringing, emailing or popping by to check whether the baby had arrived yet. One dear friend rang me in a panic on the mobile saying "Oh my goodness, thank heavens I found you. I rang you at home but there was no answer. Are you in the hospital having the baby?" 

Like I'd be picking up calls between contractions...

No harm done, you might think. But when you have to keep explaining the situation to multiple people (especially a few who seemed to think that I needed to rush to the midwife for help to rectify the situation) it does up your stress levels.

So here's a great tip to stop anxious friends and family piling extra pressure on you. Tell them the due date is a few weeks later than it really is. That should stall their panic calls for a bit. In fact you'll probably have enough time to have the baby and a few days of 'you' time before you let the world in on your exciting new secret.

Besides which you're actually doing them a favour by keeping their anxiety levels low.

Believe me most won't even realise what's happened. And if they ever do, just claim you got the dates wrong through jelly brain.

And so, to bed. Wish me luck!

Want a brainy baby? Keep stress free during pregnancy

Did you know that a baby can be significantly affected by the stress levels of its mother during pregnancy? 

I was reminded of this research this week when me and my other half went to the cinema. He wanted to see a high octane action adventure flick, and then pretend to be Starsky or Hutch all the way home. I, however, am the one who has to deal with the kicks from this developing baby - and in excitable situations it tends to kick more. So as I don't really need internal bruising at this stage, I managed to persuade my hubby to come and see an animated comedy instead.

What a good decision. My baby spent 90 minutes being flooded by feel-good endorphins rather than thinking that there was a war going on out there.

In the womb an unborn baby hasn't got much to go on in making sense of the world. All it can do is hear noises and sense how its mother is reacting to the world by the hormones racing round her system.

If she is stressed she will be releasing specific hormones like cortisol and adrenalin to prepare her for fight or flight situations and give her the energy and focus to respond to emergencies. And all hormones are passed to the developing foetus from a very early age - from just 17 weeks, in fact.

The theory is that this is a process of education. The baby is supposed to learn from these environmental clues what life is like beyond the womb. If it's a jungle out there, the baby needs a certain level of programming to prepare being born into danger. However I don't live in a jungle. I live in a leafy London suburb, so high stress hormones would be misrepresenting the situation somewhat!

Yet there are consequences. Research has shown that when a mother's cortisol levels rise, so do those of her baby. The babies of stressed mothers are also more likely to be anxious and to show signs of attention-deficit disorder later in life. And - here's the clincher - babies exposed to higher levels of maternal stress can end up with lower IQs.

The people who produced the research stress that mothers should not worry too much about this but should aim for a healthy balanced lifestyle. For example you can reduce the effects of stress on the body through good relaxation techniques, such as yoga and massage. So if you're pregnant it's a great idea to start including this sort of thing in your routine to balance out life's little tensions.

See http://www.stress.org.uk/Massage-tips.aspx for some tips from the Stress Management Society.

As the man said: "Don't worry, be happy".

Hmmm, no natural birth this time

 

Well Friday's routine appointment with the consultant was a surprise. It was booked to go over the details of our planned natural birth. (Breathe deeply, smell the lavender oil, cue bullet-shaped baby that pops out at just the right moment...). But it seems that things will be quite different. I am destined for a caesarian instead.

 

When my daughter Daisy was born, it took 38 hours from first contraction to delivery. But for some reason she didn't want to come out. After all that time she wasn't even engaged in the birth canal and, eventually showing signs of distress, had to be hauled out via emergency caesarian.

 

The reason for this was never explained properly. However at the time one of the delivery team quietly made a note in the file in faint spidery writing that no-one spotted until a few days ago.

 

It indicated that there may be a problem with my pelvis. Bit bent? Bit small? Bit dodgy? Either way this significantly affects my chances of delivering naturally. We've gone from a 70% chance of a natural delivery to a 40% one. And the likelihood is that we could again experience an extended delivery followed by an emergency caesarian.

 

Don't like those odds.

 

So, like Starsky and Hutch, you have to roll with the punches (even if you have a misshapen pelvis).

 

We've therefore decided to shelve our plans for a natural delivery and go for a planned caesarian instead.

 

I am assured by the consultant (and by friends who have had the same procedure) that you recover quicker from an elective c-section than from a drawn out labour followed by an emergency caesarian. And as I have a bouncing 19-month-old to look after too, I'll need all my strength back as quickly as possible. So it does make sense.

 

Therefore the decision is made. Baby number 2 is going to make an appearance on Monday 16 March. That's a week away.

 

I'm very happy that I'll be seeing my baby soon. And rather nervous. But the final countdown has begun... Blimey I'd better get that hospital bag packed.

For all the girls who can't say no...

 

I've found a great way to calm yourself down is to light a candle... concentrate on the flame... and just slowly breathe deeply in and out. It is really rather hypnotic. And it certainly helps you slow down both your mind and body.

 

Yet it's hard to type by candlelight, so I'm posting this blog entry with the lights on.

 

Truth be told, I am in need of the deep breathing, candlelight, relaxation thing. The pressure is mounting. And it's a good time to talk about the virtues of saying 'no'.

 

I officially stopped work a week ago. Yet since then certain jobs have refused to lie down and die. Give you an example - I finished a project last week. Hurrah. Only to find that at the 11th hour two sponsors pulled out. No dosh. Credit crunch. (Silent scream).

 

So what should I do? Spend time finding new sponsors? Or pass it back to my client with a 'sorry, but my contractions have started - see ya'.

 

A few years ago I'd have gone for option one and moved hell and high water to find replacements. But nowadays I am older and wiser. I have a baby arriving in a few weeks. I need to get ready. Buy nappies. Write a birth plan. Practice posing for photos in ways to disguise my pregnancy weight gain.

 

So I went for option two and handed it back to the client. I explained that I had done the work. But that someone else had pulled out. And that I couldn't spend any more time on it. 

 

Of course, she was great and just took on the project herself. I'm sure she didn't need the extra pressure. But she had to get on with it. There's no negotiating with a 'bump', after all!

 

Saying no reminded me of when Daisy was born. We didn't want visitors in the early days cos we were all over the place with Daisy's colic. In addition breastfeeding wasn't coming easy and I certainly wasn't ready to do it in front of well-meaning friends and family just cos they arrived at feeding time!

 

But you wouldn't believe how much people want to see your new baby. Of course they don't mean to be pushy - they want to share in your joy. But the first few weeks can be difficult. So despite emails explaining that we couldn't cope with visitors for now, they just kept coming - knocking on the door unannounced as they were 'just passing'.

 

Our wonderful NCT teacher, Maxine Goswell, had warned us about this. So thankfully I'd given some thought on how to say no without causing offence. I stuck to my guns, asked people to wait, explained again and again that we weren't able to do the visiting thing for now, but that we'd let them know the minute we were. I think women are 'trained' to be accommodating, so saying no in such circumstances can feel be uncomfortable. But if you want to hang on to your sanity, it's something that every new parent has to learn.

 

I have my last appointment with the consultant tomorrow. I am keen on having a natural birth (with, of course, lots of deep relaxing breathing). So we need to finalise a few details. Like whether you can take candles into the delivery suite. And whether they let you blog in between contractions (must charge the laptop battery)...